Mon., March 31, 2014 6:15pm (EDT)

Sandwich Monday: The Waffle Taco From Taco Bell
By Ian Chillag
Updated: 4 months ago

Taco and waffle go together even better than Terry Gross and Gene Simmons.
Taco and waffle go together even better than Terry Gross and Gene Simmons.
For most people, the morning goes like this: Wake up, take a shower and wait six hours in painful agony until it's an appropriate time to eat Taco Bell.

But, finally, times have changed: Taco Bell has introduced a breakfast menu. The centerpiece is unquestionably The Waffle Taco.

Peter: I was driving in after picking them up, and I was terrified of getting in a fatal car crash. "Local radio host found dead next to bag of four Taco Bell Waffle Tacos."

Ian: If that had happened, I would have thought fondly of you as I ate the extra waffle taco you were sadly too dead to eat.

Ian: A lot of people don't realize this, but the waffle taco actually started years ago at that other chain Taco Belgium.

Robert: I just want to know how they bent a waffle iron into that shape.

Peter: If Mexicans are horrified by Taco Bell's appropriation of their cuisine, there are going to be a lot of pissed off Belgians now.

Robert: Do you think Taco Bell is honoring Belgian cuisine because they speak Phlegmish?

Ian: The cuisines of these two countries go together so perfectly. I want there to be a country called Belgexico and I want to move there.

Robert: I'm glad they wrapped this in a waffle. Anything with a smoother texture would slide right out of my fingers.

Ian: Seriously. It's so gryeasjhy, my finghskjers are slipsoiing arnound my keybloard.

Ian: I love this. It's like a little meat canoe!

Peter: It is tasty. I'm going to wrap a waffle around everything now. I'm going to make a big one and use it as a sleeping bag.

Robert: OK, OK. But taste aside, it looks like I used a waffle to pick up something my dog left behind.

[The verdict: pretty tasty, and we definitely prefer the bacon variety to the sausage. There are the structural issues the stickiness of the waffle does necessitate post-taco hand-washing but all in all, it's a welcome addition to the fast-food breakfast landscape.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait, Wait ... Don't Tell Me!


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